Recommended
The shelf, the bedside drawer,
the things we actually recommend.
Books, decks, intimacy products, and tools that come up in this practice often enough to put in writing. No filler, no drop-shipped gadgets, no “wellness” theater. If it’s here, it’s because it has earned its place in the work.
A note on the links
Some of the links on this page are affiliate links — meaning if you buy something through them, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. We only include products we already recommend in session. We don’t accept paid placements, and the curation isn’t for sale. If a product stops being something we’d recommend, it comes off the shelf.
The shelf we keep recommending.
Read
Every one of these has shifted how a client in this practice thought about themselves, sex, or their relationship. Start with the one whose title makes you flinch a little — that's usually where the work is.
Book
Come As You Are
Emily Nagoski, PhD
If you have a body and have ever been confused by it, start here. The single most-recommended book in this practice for women, desire, and the dual-control model of arousal.
Book · paperbackVisit
Book
Mating in Captivity
Esther Perel
On why the things that build a stable home (safety, predictability, closeness) are often the same things that flatten erotic life. Required reading for long-term couples.
Book · paperbackVisit
Book
Hold Me Tight
Sue Johnson, EdD
The clearest book in print on what's actually happening underneath your worst recurring fight. The seven conversations are not optional.
Book · paperbackVisit
Book
Wired for Love
Stan Tatkin, PsyD
Attachment theory you can actually use on a Tuesday night. Pairs well with Hold Me Tight if you'd rather think in systems than in feelings.
Book · paperbackVisit
Book
Loving Bravely
Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD
For the partner doing the inner work — naming patterns, family-of-origin stuff, what you're carrying that isn't yours. Especially good for individuals before couples therapy starts.
Book · paperbackVisit
Book
This Is How Your Marriage Ends
Matthew Fray
The dishes-by-the-sink essay, expanded. Honest, unsentimental, and useful for the partner who keeps being told 'it's not about the dishes' and doesn't believe it yet.
Book · paperbackVisit
Decks and journals that pay their rent.
Tools for the Work
Most decks and journals are vibes. These are the few we recommend because they actually move the work forward between sessions — structure for couples who don't know where to start, paper for clients who forget the session by the time they reach the parking lot.
Deck
Intimacy Deck
BestSelf Co.
Conversation cards built for couples reopening the conversations that stopped happening. Helpful for partners who want to talk about what they want — without it being a sex talk first.
Card deck · ~$27Visit
Tool
The Therapy Journal
Therapy Notebooks
A guided reflection space designed to hold what came up in session so it doesn't evaporate by Thursday. The one we recommend for clients who say 'I forget everything we talk about by the time I leave the parking lot.'
Notebook · therapist pickVisit
Tool
The Anti-Anxiety Notebook
Therapy Notebooks
CBT-structured prompts for the spiral that shows up at 11 p.m. when you're pretending to fall asleep. Useful between sessions, especially for the partner who 'doesn't journal.'
Notebook · CBT-basedVisit
Brands we trust to be in your bedside drawer.
Intimacy Wellness
Curated for design, ingredient transparency, and a tone that treats women as full adults. We don't list anything we wouldn't be comfortable mentioning in session.
Wellness
Maude
Modern, gender-inclusive intimacy essentials with a clean aesthetic. A good first stop for couples who've avoided this aisle for design reasons as much as any other.
Wellness brandVisit
Wellness
Dame Products
Women-founded, research-backed, and built for partnered as much as solo use. The conversation-opener products in this practice for desire-discrepancy work.
Wellness brandVisit
Wellness
Good Clean Love
Vaginal-microbiome-safe lubricants and intimacy care. The brand we'll bring up when discomfort, postpartum dryness, or perimenopause is part of the picture.
Wellness brandVisit
Wellness
Foria
Plant-forward intimacy and pelvic-care products. Worth knowing about for clients working through pain, tension, or post-trauma reconnection with the body.
Wellness brandVisit
What we wish someone had handed you at the hospital.
Postpartum
Six-week checkups do not cover the relational, identity, or intimacy fallout of bringing a baby home. These are the products and books we recommend for the parts no one warned you about.
Wellness
Frida Mom Postpartum Recovery
Frida Mom
The line you'll wish you'd had on day one. Practical, well-designed, and honest about what postpartum bodies actually need.
Postpartum careVisit
Wellness
Bodily Postpartum Essentials
Bodily
Garments and recovery products designed by people who've been through it. The C-section recovery line in particular is one we recommend to clients.
Postpartum apparel + careVisit
Book
And Now We Have Everything
Meaghan O'Connell
The honest postpartum memoir we hand to partners as much as to clients. If you're looking for a book that says 'this happened to me too,' this is it.
Book · paperbackVisit
Sleep, regulation, and the boring infrastructure of feeling like a person.
Nervous System
Most of what shows up as a 'relationship problem' is also a regulation problem. These are the tools we recommend when sleep, stress, or sensory overwhelm are quietly running the show.
Tool
Hatch Restore
Hatch
Sunrise alarm + sound machine + dim reading light. The single highest-leverage purchase we recommend for couples whose phones live on the nightstand.
Sleep techVisit
Tool
Loftie Clock
Loftie
Two-phase alarm and a real reason to charge your phone in the other room. Small change, surprisingly large effect on the first hour of the day together.
Sleep techVisit
The thing none of these can do
A book can name it.
Therapy is where it actually changes.
Reading is a great place to start — and a terrible place to stop. If something on this page is naming a pattern you’ve been circling for a while, that’s usually the signal that it’s time to bring it into a room.
start where it stings.
Free guide
Before you buy another book — take the Intimacy Audit.
Twelve questions that point you at the part of the relationship most likely to be quietly running everything else. Free, to your inbox.
free
Ready?
Take the first step — that’s usually the hardest part.
A 20-minute consultation is free. It exists for one reason: to make sure this is the right fit before either of us commits.
replies within 48 hrs — honest, first.